A Decision For All
by Milli Moi
Summary: For this pain Natsha paced, walking up and down the room, pausing momentarily to clutch something – anything in reach - and breathe through gritted teeth against the e would have to wait for the rest to end, wait for her freedom to come back once more. It was all she could do to help the battle against Thanos. Why had she ever agreed to this?
1. Chapter 1

_In and out. In and out._

"Just breathe Natasha." She could hear Bruce's voice behind her but her eyes were tightly shut as she tried her best to ignore the strong, aching pain and concentrate on getting through it.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, presuming it also belonged to the Doctor.

They had to keep this quiet, as they did any medical treatment the avengers team received. They had to suffer, or have Bruce take the wheel and prescribe whatever drugs were needed. Anything more serious, they handled when it came to it. She's had worse, gunshots wounds which caused searing pain, like hot pokers straight from the fire. Natasha knew the feeling of her skin burning, she knew the feeling of muscles tearing and skin being ripped through like tissue paper. Those were things she had experienced all too often.

They all had.

For this pain she paced, walking up and down the room, pausing momentarily to clutch something – anything in reach - and breathe through gritted teeth against the pain. She dragged the IV alongside her, a big filled with some sort of diamorphine cocktail. It took the edge off. She would have to wait for the rest to end, wait for her freedom to come back once more.

Why had she ever agreed to this?

* * *

They'd all been waiting around for at least twenty minutes. Natasha knew that, she also knew she shouldn't keep them waiting any longer. She knew that the little piece of cheap plastic in her hands was the answer, the answer which would affect all of their futures.

Biologically this was the only way, Steve's full version of the super soldier serum outweighing and balancing her own dodgy version. Practically, well, the team had agreed it could work and the others out there, those in government who would find it unethical, well they didn't need to know.

She knew this woulc be the most humane way, she had agreed to it, but her own inner child, it wasn't so sure. Either way, if Steve Rogers had been persuaded it was for the right reasons then that was something she had to accept. Who knew a little bit of cheap plastic could be such a change, a change the team needed, a change the world needed.

Natasha wasn't sure she was ready for this, nor was she sure she ever would be but she was one of the only people on the team capable of providing such an opportunity. The needed to end this, the wars, the deaths and – now Earth was on the universal map - prevent the things which were not going to happen in their lifetime.

It would take her life from her, that also worried Natasha, being confined to a boring and near normal life would break her or even kill her. She didn't know what it was to be normal, to sit around and watch the action unfold. What was even on the TV these days? She had no clue.

Natasha closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath before flipping the piece of plastic in her hands despite her fears, smirking before she headed out the bathroom.

As she had expected the rest of the team surrounded her instantly. Clint looked anxious, Tony tried to remain blasé but struggled. She barely looked at them, not that she thought her expression would tell them anything but she worried it would make them see a problem not a success.

Natasha pushed the plastic stick into Steve's hand. They all waited, holding a collective breath. Steve looked at the result in his hands, smiled and nodded.

"It worked." He said, addressing everyone, "Natasha's pregnant."


	2. Chapter 2

"Блядь, Fuck!" Natasha groaned. She didn't want to give in to walking, she needed to walk, to keep going but the pain was taking over. She knew the gas was there, she knew the spinal was there but both would bind her to a bed. Natasha Romanoff did not do scared, she never did scared but now, now she was scared. She wasn't ready for this, she wasn't ready for the emotions which would come from this. What if she felt all of those endorphins, what if she didn't want to give up the kid? She didn't want this to change her. For the first time in her life Natasha had a family, a dysfunctional family of enhanced individuals, but it was still a family.

She didn't want her family to change with this small thing, this thing that would change her life. She could hear herself groaning, her knuckles turning white as she held on to the headboard of the bed. Her body was almost bent in half, needing to fall to the floor but needing to hold on, to keep going and keep fighting.

She was a fighter, always a fighter.

Natasha looked at the bowl of porridge in front of her. She felt her stomach churn. Steve watched her expectantly.

"You need to eat, Nat."

Natasha sighed, picking up the loaded spoon and looking at it with disgust. She had no want to eat at all, none. It was as though her body was agreeing with her, that she wanted to curl up and die of complaining somewhere. Pepper had bought her these pressure bands for her wrists. Clint had said eating something before she even sat up in the morning would help. None of it had.

Natasha's form of the serum had always prevented her from becoming ill. She hadn't felt the need to vomit for a long time and now it was a daily feeling. She sometimes wished she would just throw up so that she could feel a little better.

Steve had been trying to help her through it, through these first few months of pregnancy. He blamed himself for the way she felt – of course it was his fault, it was his sperm that got her in this situation – but they had all agreed. Natasha had agreed, he had no need to feel guilty but he was Cap, he would always be honourable.

Natasha sighed, " Sorry Steve, I just can't."

Dropping the spoon back in the bowl she sighed, her hand dropping to her stomach. She could feel herself getting bigger, the little thing in their claiming her body and wasting the muscle she put effort into maintaining. It wouldn't be long and she would be on house arrest.

As part of the plan she would be presented as MIA from next month onwards. All press would say that the Black Widow had disappeared, probably to Siberia where they couldn't contact her. It was a clever lie, she was known for disappearing without anyone knowing where she would be. Then, when the time came in five months – not that she was counting – the world would learn the plan, to create another avenger's child. A baby who could save them all when the original team, herself included, were no longer around.

After Thanos, after loosing so many of their friends, their family, they needed more. They were always on her mind, and Natasha knew she was not the only one. Wanda. Vision. Peter. Bucky, and so many others she barely knew. Half the world.

If the team couldn't solve this, if they couldn't control the threat then they would need someone else who could. They needed the little tadpole-like creature in her belly. It was their one hope.


	3. Chapter 3

Natasha sucked on the tube in her hand, the gas flowing into her body. It helped, the gas helped to remove some of the pain. Now that pain had moved. It was resting in her lower back, sitting there consistently. The pain was flowing like waves onto a beach, she was never truly losing the pain before another strong wave hit and dragged her down again.

Bruce had strapped a belt and a little monitor across her belly, next to her skin so her stretch marks and lack of muscle was exposed to him fully. No one had seen her belly in person other than Bruce. She tried to ignore the feelings that it must have brought up for him, that the Doctor would have loved this life, a baby of his own but it was considered, it wouldn't have been safe.

She could hear the bleeping of some monitor and the whirling of the little bug's heart rate on the other. Banner was on the phone, she could hear him talking to Tony.

"We need everything ready Tony." Natasha heard a pause before the Doctor spoke quietly, as though he was trying not to alarm her (please she was about to have something way bigger than she had ever imagined coming out of someplace she didn't want to think about – could it get much worse?)

"We don't have much time, we're getting close."

"Come on Romanoff, come join the fun." Steve was walking over to where she stood behind the bar, pouring the last few drinks for the assembled group of friends.

Natasha smiled at him, absently rubbing her bump with one hand, she'd been a bit uncomfortable today, but then the Doctor had said it was probably all due to Junior being a bit big for dates.

"I'll be over." She went to lift the tray but Steve took it first. She had to hold her tongue on any comments about not being that incapable but she new the captain meant well. He always did.

"Why are you the one pouring drinks anyway, you can't have any." She shrugged,

"I can at least inhale it."

She moved from behind the bar, feeling strange as she always did when her stomach was on show. The baby had grown so much in the past few months and her shape had changed with it. She wasn't fat, no, that wasn't the right term. She was round. Natasha reckoned that because she had always been a very fit person she was only gaining weight to the front of her body, and she felt horrible.

She felt a stab in the underside of her belly, wincing and grasping for the place where the pain had hit. Steve reached for her shoulder, concerned.

"You ok?" Natasha nodded,

"Fine, just a twinge."

Looking at her in a silent ask for permission Steve slid her hand away replacing it with his own, feeling the baby kicking inside her. He smiled, giving the patch a soft rub before continuing to carry the tray over to where the others were seated.

They were all together, all of them that remained. Tony and Pepper sat on one sofa, his arm lazily slung across her shoulders. At their feet Morgan slept in his bouncer all chubby cheeks and peaceful. Bruce sat on a single chair, Clint in the middle of another sofa but he moved as he saw them coming over to perch on the arm of the chair.

He offered out his hand to Natasha, which she took to help herself thump down onto the sofa next to him. The size of the baby, Bruce said it measured around seven pounds at only 27 weeks, meant that moving was already getting awkward and Tony would insist on having low chairs which she could barely get down to.

After placing the tray of beers on the table and handing Pepper her gin, Steve came over to sit with Natasha.

Pepper was the first to start up a conversation. She twisted to look at Natasha and asked a polite 'how are you feeling?'

Natasha snorted,

"Ugh, grumpy, fat, tired – need I go on?"

Pepper laughed, "I remember all that, it comes with the territory, not that any of this is typical."

"Yeah, not many of us get boned by a superhero," Tony jabbed, trying to embarrass Steve.

"Really Stark? The only long hard thing associated with this baby was a syringe."

Tony's eyes widened. For some reason it had never dawned on him that she hadn't actually slept with Steve.

"Counter to popular folklore, I don't enjoy jumping in bed with anyone, it's part of the job. This had to work."

Tony nodded, Clint looked relieved as thought the idea had been making him feel a bit grossed out.

"well, thank god for that." He muttered. Natasha laughed and then lurched forwards, her body screamed in pain. She gasped and both her hands went to her stomach. Bruce was on his feet and at her side instantly.

"Natasha?" He questioned, waiting for a response.

Natasha froze, she couldn't speak, she couldn't dare believe this was happening. After all this time, all their work. It could not be happening now.

"Nat"? Clint's Voice. Then Steve,

"Romanoff!"

She shook her head back and forward but they could tell now. There was fluid running off the leather sofa. She wasn't wrong. Natasha begged she was wrong but that strange pain, the strongest of any she had felt today and the water. There was no doubt. Even if it was too soon, this baby was going to be born today.


	4. Chapter 4

Natasha knew she was yelling, knew it but could barely acknowledge it. There were no words for the pain, it was thick and fast and worse than any gunshot she had ever experienced. It had to be soon, she prayed it was soon. There was pressure now, pushing down on her back and her lower stomach down to her groin.

She heard the ripping of a packet near her head and looked to see Bruce opening Sterile gloves and gown. He was ready, her body was ready but she wasn't sure that her mind was on board.

The pain was so much, and this wasn't the worst of it. That, and it kept coming back to her that this was too soon, it wasn't supposed to happen now. The little guy wasn't ready, he couldn't be ready it was impossible.

"Natasha," Doctor Banner spoke, trying to sound calm although she knew better.

"It's time, you're fully dilated. It's time to push."

She felt herself panicking but knew that she had to pretend she wasn't. God, she cared about this little thing even though she wanted nothing to do with it after this day. She had known from the beginning, Steve would raise the baby, it would be his son and would know nothing about her part in it all. She was the incubator, that was all. That was all she wanted and all she could handle. Kids, her past, they didn't go together.

Natasha went with his instructions, letting the pain rise to its peak and follow the urges of her body, She pushed down against the infant, pressing every bit of energy she had left into giving birth. She gritted her teeth, squeezing the bed rail hard until she felt Bruce's gloved hand replace it.

"That's it, Natasha, keep it going keep it going!"

She flopped back again, her head reaching the pillow as the pain and urge left her body. It burned, everything burned but the energy was gone. She barely had a minute before the pain rose once again.

"Again Natasha, big push. Keep it going as long as you can."

Again she tried, squeezing and tensing every muscle to help fight the burning pain.

She heard herself scream, a noise she hadn't heard since she was perhaps eight years old. She had never been allowed to be vulnerable but this, this was the hardest thing she had ever done.

"That's it, Nat, you're almost there, I can see the head." Bruce was coaxing her but the words were barely heard. She tried again, and again and finally the blissful words she needed desperately,

"The head's born! One more big push."

And then it was done, the burning released, there was a rush of more fluid and Bruce bundled something into his arms. It didn't cry. It had been too soon, Natasha knew it had been too soon. He was too small but Bruce Smiled.

Then there was a wail. A strong, guttural wail. Bruce Laughed, Natasha smiled, laying back against the pillow, catching her breath.

"Natasha, he's huge. I mean, he's ok, he looks like a full-term child -." Before the Doctor could finish his sentence there was a knock on the door. Steve entered, he looked at the scene in front of him, his face falling when he saw the blood-soaked floor, saw Natasha pale and weak and then he saw Bruce, saw the baby.

Steve's expression changed rapidly from surprise to join to quizzical.

"He looks," Steve began but was cut off.

"He looks healthy. I think I understand, Natasha was measuring big for dates, he was premature but is health. I think the serum in you – in both of you – has made him grow at a faster rate. He was ready to be born three months earlier. He is typical and healthy."

"And he is a boy." Steve laughed, Bruce, clapping a hand to his mouth, realising he had spoiled it.

Bruce glanced at her, another silent question but Natasha shook her head. If she didn't see him now then she would bond less and she would not replace the image in her mind of another newborn, an image which she wanted to treasure forever. She would watch this baby grow, she would see him change. She didn't want to be his mother but she was glad he was here, glad he was safe and glad he would be loved.

Steve took the scissors from the Doctor, snipping as instructed to detach mother and baby before the infant, still bloody and wrapped in a towel, into his arms. There were tears in his eyes, and Natasha found tears in her eyes also. He was here, he was safe so unlike many of their friends.

Steve had already decided on his name if he had been a girl his name was Margaret Wanda, as a boy he was James Carter Rogers. Named after the fallen soldier who was really gone this time.

Perhaps he would be what he was born to, perhaps he would protect the world in the absence of his parents. Perhaps before then She and the other remaining Avengers would find a way to fix everything, perhaps there was a way to bring down Thanos, to protect the universe from any more death and destruction. It was their job, their duty and, despite not being cut out for Motherhood, avenging, that was something Natasha was born to do.


End file.
